The Hardest Part of Marriage…

Gluten-Free Me / Healthy Living / Personal / Favorites / Miscellaneous / Married Life

Confession. The hardest part of marriage so far has had to do with ME. The day after we returned from our Mini-Moon, I instinctively went into my “ideal" of what being a "wife” was. I became crazed in responsibilities around our home. I ended up overwhelmed, and quickly burned myself out. I eventually learned that I had become crazed in my own expectations of myself. Taylor and I hadn’t really ever discussed expectations of responsibilities, because we hadn’t even thought of addressing it.

The day we came home from our mini-moon (you can learn more about that HERE) was the first time we began living together! So exciting, and something we had obviously both been looking forward to for a long time. But because we didn’t head out on our honeymoon until about a month after our wedding, we basically had the weekend of our wedding to live in the bubble of wedded bliss. And then the following week, we jumped straight into the daily grind. Both of us back to work, and our new daily norms just started to take shape.

I work from home, and my days are quite full as I wear a few different hats balancing all the things that sum up work for me. But because I was at home all day long, in this new place that we were creating as our sweet humble abode, and all I could see were tasks that needed to be taken care of like; laundry, cleaning, shopping, cooking. I found myself burying my workload underneath this new found desire to create this home space that my husband could walk into and feel relaxed when he would come home from a long day at work. The efforts didn’t go unnoticed and Taylor was extremely appreciative, and I secretly hope that I had him fooled for awhile that I was some superhero! 😉

But here’s the thing, I’m no superhero, not even close. However, I am convinced that several of you out there ARE superhero's, and maybe someday I'll get there!! But I ended up falling behind in my work, and like I mentioned at the beginning, I became so overwhelmed! I was joyfully taking on these tasks, but I still had other responsibilities, and ones that helped pay the bills, so I needed to figure it out.

Everything actually clicked one day as I made a confession on my Instagram story. I confessed on my story that I basically had an emotional meltdown trying to figure out what to make for dinner, because I just wanted to be sure that Taylor was going to love it. (P.S. He has never not loved what I’ve made… yet, anyways. 😂) I personally think that choosing what to create for someone else is a big decision, and I’m indecisive enough! haha! But all of you out there, on the other side of my Instagram story told me that I was experiencing normal new pressures of being a newlywed. I realized I wasn’t alone. And this reminded me of grace.

Making these decisions, and creating my own expectations over myself has been the HARDEST part of marriage so far. But I knew it didn't need to stay that way. I like to think of myself as a Problem Solver. 😉

3 Things that I’ve done to make this part of Marriage Easier: 

1. Sharing Responsibilities. Taylor was actually the first to approach this. The evening I shared on my Instagram story and   realized that I had placed these pressures on myself, I shed a few tears to Taylor. Right away, he reminded me that he had never had expectations of me taking care of all of these tasks. He sees how hard I work, and how much I love my work. He helped me break down the standards I had created for myself, and reminded me that we’re a team. He also reminded me of how much he loves to cook too, and that it’s one of our fav past times to do together. He wanted to help with household responsibilities, and he hadn't ever had expectations of me carrying all of that on my own. So now we're sharing tasks, and I have let go of expectations (most of the time) on how much I can tackle on my own.

2. Green Chef! Hellooooo Meal Kit Delivery Service!! An answer to prayers, and answer to my tears over “what should I make for dinner” decisions. Before we got married, I had been using Hello Fresh, we would cook meals together every couple of weeks, but once the wedding came and went, and all subscriptions placed on pause as we settled into our new life, we kinda forgot about how helpful this was. So as we began exploring this again, I found out that Hello Fresh had added Green Chef into their family!

Green Chef has plenty of options for all different dietary preferences including: Paleo, Gluten Free, Keto, Vegan, Omnivore, Vegetarian! They’re also a USDA Certified Organic Company, and work with farmers to source sustainable and delicious ingredients. I have to be Gluten Free, and I also prefer to be Grain Free, so we order from the Paleo and Gluten Free menu’s!

If you’ve never done a meal Kit Delivery Service, here are some of the many perks:

-Not having to plan ahead for what you’re going to cook. Someone else did it for you.

-Your Box arrives with all the ingredients, and step by step instructions. So no last minute grocery store runs, or frantic googling to find a perfect recipe for what you’re craving

-You feel like a fancy chef at the end!! haha! The meals are quick and the creativity behind the combinations has opened my mind up to even more ways to use ingredients and create a meal!

Taylor and I receive 3 meals at a time, and it’s perfect for the nights we can cook dinner together, we turn some music on, pour some wine, and cook. It also makes it one of us needs to tackle dinner on our own one night. Taylor actually loves to put these meals together!!

3. Letting things go, and lower Expectations of Myself!

Some days the dishes may pile up a little higher, or the bathrooms don’t get cleaned to spotless conditions, and sometimes we go a couple weeks before we get to laundry… it’s usually by the last pair of underwear that we realize it’s probably should become a priority. 😂

I'm also learning to give myself a whole lot more grace in this area. Like I mentioned, these tasks, and even being in a stage of life to be creating our home, truly bring me great joy, so i still love adding items like laundry, cleaning, shopping, and cooking to my to do list. 😉  I enjoy these things… when I have time.

Oh, and I’ve been better at creating my priority lists when it comes to work… but that’s probably a whole other topic some other day. 👍

The hardest part of marriage so far has been me, myself, and I! But let me tell you about the best part… my husband. I love that he sees me as his partner and that he wants approach life with me as his teammate. I love when he walks through the door at the end of the day, and within greeting one another, when I find myself starting to explain that I was too busy to do the dishes… I can stop myself knowing that he loves me and appreciates all that I did within the day without any explanation.

Now your turn, I want to hear your stories from that Newlywed phase of life!

 

P.S. I know everyone's marriage and agreed upon tasks look different. This is just a reminder that this is our (Me & Taylor's) life approach at this time. No need to compare, my hope is only to ever help and to share my personal stories. 💙

*This blog was written in partnership with Green Chef, but all of my own thoughts and opinions!

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Comments (5)

  • Halley

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    I can relate to this on many levels.
    1. When we returned from our wedding at the beach it was the first time my now husband had ever stayed at my house. I had lived a lone for a long time and suddenly someone was now going to occupy my home with me. I literally had a panic attack the night we got home. There are no words to truly describe the moment I realized he was never leaving. Lol! I will say that we have laughed about that night and those courts few weeks of adjustment many times and I’m pretty sure it has been the humorous topic of discussion among friends at dinner. I will never forget that overwhelmed feeling I had. Whew!

    2. We became parents overnight to our boys who were 2 and 7 and that took it to a whole new level. We were suddenly juggling our full time jobs and our two boys and everything that related to that situation at the time. I had never cooked for a family and I didn’t have that type of family situation growing up so I was overwhelmed with responsibilities and figuring out how to juggle everything. I felt like a failure even though o was trying my best. Thank goodness I have a gracious and loving husband who also knows how to cook. Either way, figuring out meal planning and schedules and how to do it all took a toll.

    3. Our boys were adopted in December and have now been with us 3 years. We felt God was calling me away from my career to serve my family better and work from home to hopefully serve others better. I have been working from home for 2 months and I’m trying to find my way. I, too, put a lot of pressure on myself to get it all done and to do it all well. I am not super human and I do not have super powers. I thought I did though.;) I was having difficulty getting my work done and making sure the house was perfect, laundry finished, table set, after school snacks ready, and dinner ready when everyone was home. lol! It’s not possible to do all of that and still complete all of my work tasks. I guess working from home looks so different than anything I have ever done and I feel like I should’ve doing more but thecreakity is I’m doing all I can. My sweet husband tells me all the time to not worry so much and that he is my teammate but it’s easier says than done. I think we tend to set expectations for ourselves and our pressure in ourselves that we would never put on someone else.,I’m a work in progress so I’m focusing on Jesus in the morning right out of the gate and going back to my quiet time with Him before I tackle any tasks and it is helping a lot.:)

    I just summed up the past 5 years.:) I wanted to share because I can relate so much to what you are talking about in your post. I’ll check k out the meal delivery option this week.:)

    Reply

    • Tenley

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      Haley, Thank you sooo much for sharing. You truly did have some overnight changes! But yes, that time in the morning with Jesus is key. And thank goodness for grace, as we’re all a work in progress. 😉 Thank you for sharing this. xo!

      Reply

    • Tenley

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      oops. Just realized I spelled your name wrong, I’m sorry Halley! Also, here’s the link for Green chef: HERE, they do have a family plan for more mouths to feed!

      Reply

  • Kelly Uzzell

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    I’ve been married to my husband for almost 20 years (second husband). We share our responsibilities. If I cook, he cleans up or vise versa. He helps clean, do laundry, and both do yard work. I use to be like you about everything being in order. I have learned over the last year that everything doesn’t have to always be done. It will still be there the next day. Marriage is 50/50. It take a lot of work. I hope y’all have many years of love and happiness.

    Reply

    • Tenley

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      Congratulations on 20 years!! Thank you for sharing Katie! xo!

      Reply

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